We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
