I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
