I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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