I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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