FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
