So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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