If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
3 2 1 whiskey
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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