Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
