I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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