Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
