You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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