guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
