is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
