You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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