Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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