halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
