even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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