Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
