dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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