Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
