Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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