drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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