I'm really into asian looking animals
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
