I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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