You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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