I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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