His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
