Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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