I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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