i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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