Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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