There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
