So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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