I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
