non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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