the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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