bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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