I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
