PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
