Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
