Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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