Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
