I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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