Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
