Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
