you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
