does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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