she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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