Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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