i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Small penises have feelings too.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
