I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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