I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
