Jerry, you need to find god
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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