i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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