What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
