when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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