At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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