it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize