theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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