Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Acid is not a monday night drug
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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