My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
