i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
