I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
