Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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