If i come over, it means nothing
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
