I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
