So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
